Writing..

Don't seek an experience. Seek Jesus. He is the One I want and need. To know Him more and more. That is my aim. Because when I know Him more, He helps me to live a truly good life. When my heart and head are full of the knowledge of Jesus my life becomes better. That is to say the state of my soul and internal life change for the better. External as well, but there will always be hardships and temptations while I remain here on earth. But when I know Him, He gives me the strength and grace to face each day. It is Him in me that makes life better. Jesus. I can be jealous over having an "experience". It seems that can be the only proof that He is moving and working in me. Yet He speaks to all His children differently. And when I am coveting another's story; I am missing my own. For He has His own way of ministering to me. One is not better than the other. My human nature likes to think otherwise. It is tiring and always disappointing when I am wishing for an "experience" like someone else's. Our God is too mysterious, too wild to only come in one way to His children.
Seek Jesus. He is the One who brings forth the transformation I am in desperate need of. He is a gentle pursuer. I think He moves in subtle, quiet ways that all add up to one big change. And He keeps on slowly but steadily pushing me in His direction and removing the stuff that hinders. Suddenly I realize He has been speaking to me for I am no longer what I once was. And He begins again in a different way. Shaping me into HIS. In the end, I guess I never needed an "experience". Just Him. Jesus.